By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize