I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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