We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
