This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
