My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
