I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
