we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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