I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize