she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize