I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
