I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize