I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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