I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
