So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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