i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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