Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
