this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
