We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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