You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
