capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
