remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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