Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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