Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
