I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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