I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
