My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
