I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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