Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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