He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize