You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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