So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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