Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize