there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
