So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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