3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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