I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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