wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
