But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
