You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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