"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
