haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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