you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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