We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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