So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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