Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
