Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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