There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
