so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
