dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
