Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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