I think I died a long time ago.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
