Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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