Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
