There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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