everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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