I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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