but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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