the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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