Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So much Jack, so little girl.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
