True but thats because hes a fetus.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
