Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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