ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
