Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize