Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
