I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
