I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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