PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
