I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
