found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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