I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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