I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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