u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
