it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
