just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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