Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
