Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you would pick up someone in the library
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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