Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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