Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
