you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
