Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want her autograph on my taint
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
