marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
