can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
