DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
