and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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