The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
