we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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