Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
