it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
