I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
