I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
