I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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