just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
