Already got asked if we're dating
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
