He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
