We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
