i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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