i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
