I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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