I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm getting married
To pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
