1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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