Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need Xanax blowdarts
Randomize
