So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
