She said her name was "party"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
