Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
