he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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