living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
