Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
