Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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