: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
