I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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