you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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