That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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